Mentor or coach?

A common question is what the difference is between having a mentor and being coached. I offer both, so it is a fair thing to ask. Here are my answers to it, and to a few questions that come with it.

What is the difference, in short?#

A mentor shares their own experience. A coach helps you find your own answers.

In mentoring I tell you how I have thought in similar situations, what has worked and what has gone wrong. You borrow from my experience and test it against your own. In coaching I ask questions, and the answers mostly come from you. My experience is in the room there too, but it shows mainly in the questions I choose.

The line isn't sharp. A good mentor asks questions, and a coach who has been a manager can't pretend she never was. It is a matter of where the weight lies.

When does a mentor fit best?#

When you are new in a role and want someone who has walked the road ahead of you. When you need a sounding board for things that are hard to raise with colleagues or with your own manager. When you want to grow at your own pace over a longer period.

Mentoring with me is a longer relationship, with meetings that are less frequent and longer than in coaching. Between meetings we stay in touch by email, so you can reach me when something comes up. I have worked in Swedish social services for more than twenty years, eight of them as a unit manager, and that is the experience you get access to.

When does coaching fit best?#

Coaching suits you when you already have a direction but have got stuck, or when you face a choice and want to understand what you yourself think. It also suits you if you notice that you often adapt to others and want to find your way back to what you yourself want.

In coaching you set your goals in a start call, and we review them every three months. Here I hold back more on my own advice. That is a deliberate choice. I believe answers you reach yourself are easier to stand by.

If you are a manager and want to start from your team and your working day, there is also my leadership coaching. It starts with the people around you, while coaching in Leading from within starts with you: your values and how you make decisions.

What does the research say?#

On mentoring there is a large meta-analysis comparing people with and without a mentor. Mentoring went with a wide range of good outcomes, at work, in relationships and for health, but the effects were generally small. They were larger for workplace and academic mentoring than for mentoring of children and young people. An earlier meta-analysis on careers found that mentoring was generally linked to career benefits, but that the links with measurable things like pay were small.

Both rest mostly on comparisons after the fact, and people who have a mentor have often sought one out. Someone who looks for a mentor may already be on the way up, and it is hard to separate that from what the mentor contributed.

On coaching, several meta-analyses show clear effects on goal attainment and self-efficacy, and one of them is part of the evidence that the effect doesn't seem to grow with the number of sessions. I have written more about this in What research says about coaching, and where it stops.

Is one better than the other?#

The research can't tell us. I haven't found a study that compares them head to head, and the studies on mentoring and on coaching measure different things in different ways, so their numbers can't be set against each other. What matters is what you need right now.

How do I know what I need?#

One way is to ask yourself what you miss most. If you miss someone who has been where you are, that sounds like mentoring. If you miss the time and space to think clearly, with someone asking the questions you avoid asking yourself, that sounds like coaching.

Another way is to book a free intro call and see what comes up.

Can my employer pay?#

Yes, both mentoring and coaching can be paid for privately or by your employer. As a private client you pay the price including VAT. If your employer pays, the same amount applies excluding VAT.

Is this therapy?#

No. Mentoring and coaching are personal development. I have Level 1 psychotherapy training, but in these conversations I work as a coach or mentor. If you need treatment for stress, burnout, anxiety or depression, healthcare is the right place to start, and I am glad to help you find your way there.